My degree is in Speech Communication, but don't let that fool you, I can also write. Take that last sentence, for example. I wrote that. And this one, too!


Still not convinced, try these lovely writing samples below.  



By Chris Gummert

He proselytizes when the spirits move him


He is not bound by time

He may prophesy at dawn

For when the world wakes, he is there to greet it

He’ll say, “Good morning fucking hoes!”

The hoes say nothing in return

For he has said it all


And the spirits move




Bus drivers


All are students at his feet

He says, “Welcome to school mother fuckers.”

The motherfuckers say nothing in return

For he has said it all


He may preach in the dark of night

To the street lamp

To the cab driver

To the late shift

He screams, “Mustache rides are for free!”

And they are


And the spirits move





House plants

All hear his revelations

“My girlfriend has a big old fat ass!”

And she does


And the spirits move

The spirits give him strength

The spirits give him wisdom

The spirits give him volume

And we are powerless to argue

Because the spirits move


“Be careful,” he’ll say

“A lot of crazy people out there”

And no one says anything

For he has said it all